Nothing here is a recommendation to buy, sell or hold any digital asset, and nothing here alleges misconduct by any individual, company, foundation, exchange or regulator named. Class conclusions rest on one asset per class and should be read as hypotheses rather than results. Every statistic is in-sample; the twenty-six and fifty-two week windows overlap by six and twelve months respectively, so effective sample sizes are a fraction of the nominal counts, and t-statistics computed under independence overstate significance. The 2025–26 period is a single episode that dominates several long-horizon results. Survivorship applies: all four assets still trade. Research and education, not investment advice.